1. Pain and unhappiness are an indicator that something is amiss or misaligned and must be resolved.
  2. Red flags are not always bad. When confronted and viewed correctly in a positive light, they are an opportunity for growth, learning, change and healing.
  3. The cold war does not work. Only cowards use it as a temporary escape. Problems do not blow over. They pile up and cause resentment. People will eventually snap or flip when they have been internalizing unresolved problems.
  4. All relationships be it romantic, family, work or friendship have certain protocols that must be observed. Relationships do not run on autopilot.
  5. Our past wounds, unhealthy dynamics, toxic backgrounds, or unresolved baggage tend to show up in our present relationships in stealthy ugly ways. If someone presses your wrong buttons, ask yourself why the button is there in the first place? Examine its origin and seek to heal it.
  6. In a stalemate, both parties must die to the self and become one. This is not to say that you must throw away your individuality, this is to say that if there is a part of you that is causing the other pain and discomfort or if there is a part of you that is constantly the trigger for conflict in the relationship, it becomes necessary to ask, if that part can be changed or if the relationship itself is beyond repair.
  7. Saying sorry for your part does not mean they were right to hurt you. Hearing your partner’s pain does not belittle yours. Pride is the biggest relationship killer and an enemy of progress.
  8. If someone hurts you, and you react by hurting them, you are both wrong. Changing your behavior is not for your partner’s benefit but for your own good. Strive to work on yourself daily, do your part well, bring your best self into everything you do, so that you are not found wanting.
  9. Being defensive, playing the blame game or offering excuses for wrongful behavior not only worsens things but suffocates your partner’s right to expression, grief, and healing. Ask yourself, do I want my partner or anyone else for that matter to walk on eggshells around me?
  10. A full apology consists of acknowledgement of wrongdoing, showing remorse for one’s actions, a heartfelt apology, a commitment to changing one’s behavior and a willingness to do what it takes to restore the relationship.

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