Narcissism: An Exaggerated /Inflated Sense of Self

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At the root of this abnormal behavior is low self-esteem, inadequacy, shame and vulnerability. Individual feels a great sense of emptiness and may even exhibit signs of suicidal behavior, moodiness and depression if they don’t feed off compliments. There are 4 types of people who exhibit this kind of behavior:

  1. The Pompous -Self-importance or entitlement (low sense of self)
  2. The Victim -The world owes them or is out to get them, requires special treatment and favors
  3. The Manipulator -People are objects, a means to an end. They will do whatever it takes to get what they want
  4. The Savior or Rescuer -People need their help, advice and saving, nobility, donations, displaying good deeds (people pleasing)

They feel the need to defend or protect their sense of self-worth by constantly inflating themselves or deflating others. Whatever happens, they must be the last man standing. They are very much aware of their behavior; it serves a purpose.

Causes of Narcissistic Behavior

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  1. Inherited genetics
  2. Having high expectations that are unchecked
  3. Growing up with excessive adoration and praise
  4. Failure to accept loss, failure, weaknesses or criticism
  5. Materialism particularly fueled by social media
  6. Faulty thinking resulting in under nourished emotional landscape
  7. Failure to manage emotions
  8. Lack of love, comfort, support, acceptance and acknowledgement in childhood
  9. Previous trauma or past abuse resulting in constantly shutting down or escaping reality
  10. Poor connection between brain (thinking) and subsequent behavior

Personal Characteristics of Narcissists

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  1. Expectation of constant praise and admiration
  2. Expectation of only the best (insisting on perfection), setting highly unattainable goals
  3. Superiority complex even without corresponding effort or achievement (feeling special)
  4. Exaggerated achievements or lying about talents (false sense of self
  5. Fantasizing about success, power or beauty (delusions of grandeur)
  6. Arrogance or boastful behavior
  7. Focus on appearance or external factors. Being a public success and a private failure
  8. Living in their head, having imaginary friends or connections etc.
  9. They feel the need to defend or protect their sense of self worth
  10. May abuse drugs or alcohol to medicate the constant emptiness

Behavioral Effects of Narcissism on Relationships

 

Being in a relationship with them is an emotionally exhausting full-time job. They will isolate you and blame you. There is no fulfillment.

  1. Reacts highly to criticism sometimes with anger or extreme rage
  2. Impatient and defensive. It’s all about them. They thrive on your submission
  3. They are charming, they will win you over and reel you in to get your attention and to keep you interested in them. They will even reward your attention and loyalty
  4. They exploit people and situations. They will lie, cheat, steal, kill and destroy
  5. They will never compliment you. They are takers in relationships and lack empathy
  6. They find it difficult to hear you out or recognize and acknowledge your feelings
  7. They get distracted when the focus is not on them and they will show no interest in you
  8. They do not have many friends. They have difficulty maintaining and keeping relationships (interpersonal problems). They have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
  9. They take no responsibility or interest in problem solving, they may not even compromise
  10. They speak over people, hog or dominates conversations and must have the last word
  11. They look down upon and belittle others. They have no boundaries
  12. It’s their way or the highway. They are always right
  13. Gas lighting (mind games), they will make you think you are crazy! They will turn you into something you are not. You find yourself questioning your sanity
  14. You are both going around in circles, the relationship is not growing or improving
  15. You find yourself constantly apologizing. Everything is always your fault and you cannot seem to please them; it is a bottomless pit and you are slowly losing your confidence and doubting yourself
  16. Emotional abuse and guilt tripping, you begin to make excuses for their behavior
  17. They are envious and jealous and will constantly put you down. They are mean and pick on others
  18. They will punish you for not doing what is expected of you (cold shoulder, silent treatment, withholding intimacy, cancelling on you etc.)
  19. It’s an honor to be loved by them. No one will ever love you like they do
  20. They are obsessive and may threaten to kill themselves when you try to break up with them

How to handle a Narcissist

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Understand that you are dealing with a narcissist. Loving them (more) just won’t cut it. Learn more about them, what to do and equip yourself. Forewarned is forearmed.

  1. Be discerning when meeting new people
  2. Speak up for yourself
  3. Stand your ground
  4. Set clear boundaries for how you would like to be treated
  5. Insist on corrective action now!
  6. Focus on you, starve them of attention
  7. Remember you are not responsible for someone else’s mental issues. You can only look after yourself
  8. Remind yourself that you are not wrong, don’t make this about yourself
  9. Embrace reality, magnify your strengths, focus on the positives
  10. Hang around kind, loving, empathetic and supportive people
  11. Urge them to see a professional or therapist
  12. Get a therapist too

How to get out of a Relationship with a Narcissist

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Cut all ties, change your number, get out and move on if the relationship is now bordering on the following:

  1. Toxic cycles
  2. Suicidal
  3. Homicidal
  4. Mental and physical abuse
  5. Your health and well-being are at risk

Don’t forget to get a restraining order and gather legal proof.

Treatment

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Therapists can assist with depression, bipolar disorders and other mental health issues. They can also assist with communication and how to have healthy relationships.

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