We acknowledge our Relationship as a Separate and Independent Entity
We CREATE our own family. It does not necessarily have to resemble where we come from. It does not have to have the influence or authority of where we come from. We influence it with a mix of our different personalities, backgrounds, languages and life experiences. We hold the authority for what will or will not be done in our home and for our children. Whilst we will ask for guidance and advice from influence external to our home that is friends, family and professionals, we hold the final say for how much we will apply to our marriage or relationship.
We pledge to cut any umbilical cords that seek to bring a flavor or voice outside of the two of us. We also understand that relationships are generally a challenge just between two people and that when we have to include our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins in our affairs etc, the level of difficulty is increased and it makes solving our problems a lot harder than if it was just us involved.
We are in a Partnership
We are two people, that want to be together, that are consistently and constantly pulling together in one direction, to ensure we stay together and enjoy the HARMONY that shared effort brings. This means that we speak in one voice. We do not contradict each other in public. We have a united front. When my partner is ill, I am also ill. When my partner is happy, I am also happy. Any one of us can represent the family. There is no You or Me. There is US! The language and deeds reflect that both privately and publicly. We understand that those who pull together get where they are going faster and easier.
We are Transparent with each other
Because we are moving together in one direction, we vow to always COMMUNICATE anything and everything that has to do with the relationship /family /marriage to the other. We understand that not communicating is a disservice to the relationship because then issues never get solved and the other partner may feel left out. We also understand that communicating badly and using demeaning or aggressive language is corrosive to the health of the relationship and is the biggest threat to couple’s intimacy.
We vow to always be kind to each other, to speak from the heart and to the heart and to always say the truth in a way we would like to hear it. We vow to hold constant status update meetings, weekly or monthly to touch base on what matters to us and to encourage one another to commit to openness. We understand that a lack of transparency in decision making can result in a loss of trust and may be perceived as an act of betrayal.
We have Complementary effort
We understand that we have different skills and differing strengths and weaknesses. It follows that we will apportion our time, efforts and skills correctly in line with each of our strengths. Where my partner is strong, I may be weak. Where I am strong, my partner may be weak, but that does not make them less of a person or partner. It just means that we will complement each other. I may cook, my partner will wash dishes. I may run a business, my partner will help raise the children. I may purchase groceries, my partner will help pack them away and make me coffee!
Complementary efforts have nothing to do with money. Material effort is also equally if not more important. Effort in whatever form we get means we are both trying our best and we have each other’s backs. In the 20th Century, we recognize that some of our traditional beliefs and lifestyles that worked for our parents and grandparents, no longer serve us. In modern day partnerships there is no gender specific roles, there is no man or woman of the house per se, only partners. Complementary effort also eradicates any feelings of superiority or inferiority. We are not only partners, but we are also EQUAL and we express that in our own unique and special ways.