5-ways-your-church-can-serve-single-moms

When is the ideal time to start dating again after a breakup or a divorce?

It is difficult to quantify time as people heal differently. It is not a one size fits all. However the sure signs are when one feels like they have mended their broken heart, have put the past behind them and are ready for a new relationship.

What are signs that a person has healed and is ready to find love again?

They would be happier, socializing more, putting themselves out there, going out more often, they have reverted back to their old habits or routines, they have let go of the past, it’s pain and any talk about their ex. They are looking after their appearance more and are keen to participate in new hobbies, activities and meeting new people.

What are the main concerns single moms have when they consider dating again?

If the new partner’s family will be accepting of them, if they will be given a fair chance again or viewed as return soldiers, a term commonly used to imply that they failed at their previous relationship or marriage , if the new partner will be accepting of her children or they will be viewed as baggage. She is also concerned if the relationship will last or she will be making another mistake. She is also concerned for the safety and well being of her children and if the new partner will treat them lovingly and no different from children born in the new union. She is also concerned about her children, if they will be accepting of new partner.

When is the ideal time for the mom to introduce her children to her new partner?

When she feels like she knows the partner very well and trusts them. When the relationship has become more serious and is stable. When they are invested in being together for the long term and are having conversations around that.

What signs should the mother look out for before trusting her new man to be a part of her children’s lives?

Is he respectful, loving and how does he treat women and children in general including his own siblings and mother. How he behaves around her children. How invested is he in the new relationship.

How can children be best protected in the new relationship and what boundaries should not be overstepped?

In the beginning, perhaps the new partner can invest in bonding with the children instead of necessarily parenting them. And just to be sure, the mother must be present whenever he spends time with her children. Their biological father if still alive and on cordial terms with the mother, remains their father and must be allowed to see his children regularly. The new partner may father or parent them, but it is important that the children know the truth and whereabouts of their biological father. The children must respect their mom’s partner and he in turn must treat them with respect and care.

There must also be an understanding that getting used to each other is a process that may take time and all parties must be allowed a fair amount of time for transitioning. The mother must also continue in as much as possible with the normal routines and activities she used to partake in with her children before the new relationship. She must not allow herself to drown in the new relationship or neglect her children. That way, the children may begin to view the new partner as a competitor for her affection.

What should be done if the child does not get along with the new partner?

The mother must give the child time perhaps they will come around eventually. She must also attempt to probe why this is so. If the reasons are caused by something within the new relationship or totally unrelated. If there is anything that the new partner must start or stop doing in order to bond with the child. If they have tried everything and the child still rejects the new partner, it is not advisable to force the child to like him or expel the child from the family. They must rather find ways to coexist together.

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