Have you ever been neck deep in a rut and nothing is working, loved ones have left you and no one is coming to save you? A lot is happening and nothing is happening? You have done the super hero thing, given your all and more but you feel cheated and depleted? You are even confused by the confusion and are not sure whether to blame yourself or others? These tips are guaranteed to untangle some of the webs we find ourselves in.
- Strip yourself bare
Frustration is a sure sign that you are drowning in some “stuff”. When you have 99 problems, it helps to check how many of them are authentically your mess. Who are you apart from all external things, responsibilities, religion, career, acquisitions and achievements? Find out from yourself, what matters and what doesn’t. What do you want, what do you like, what do you long for? What are your core non-negotiable values? What is truly yours and what has been added by others? Start mining for Gold, ask for and give yourself only what you want. Self-care is not selfishness, its self-love
Whilst it’s a great thing to give, share and help others, it helps to draw a line. What are some of the times you have really been angry or irritated and what are some of the times you have really been happy and content? How have the actions and attitudes of others affected you? How have your actions and attitudes affected others? Let your loved ones know all this, change your behaviour and set boundaries for how others will behave towards you.
- All behaviour is learned
We create new experiences for ourselves. We are responsible for the shape and direction of our lives. The power is in our hands and it all starts from within and radiates outwards. Do you want to be peaceful? Research how to be peaceful, learn more about peace, speak to people about peace and emulate peaceful people.
Like someone exercising for a great body, it takes work, unpleasant work we would rather avoid, but it will all be worth it. When you have not known peace, it will feel foreign to you. Do it anyway, many times, soon it will come naturally to you. Soon you will have peace. Soon you will be peace.
The same applies for other behavioural traits we wish to instil in our lives such as love, humility, success and kindness. If we ignore the work we need to do in order to improve our lives, soon, the pain will spill into all aspects of our lives for everyone to see, our relationships and careers will be as bitter and chaotic as our inner world.
- Empathy in Communication
Everyone who communicates with you, whether in a nasty way or pleasant way has something valuable to say to you. The same applies to you, whenever you have something to impart to the next person and it comes out nasty, it’s because the original pure message has been over analysed, coated with fear, suppressed by toxic junk, and polluted with judgements.
Soon as the truth comes out, do not wait for it to simmer or bottle it up. Say it right away in a polite manner. Remember to always highlight first what the person is doing right, before you mention the particular issue you have. Also remember to offer your own suggestions and to solicit their opinion for how to move forward.
Some people would rather not say how they feel because they are worried about how someone will react or respond. Say your part and do your bit, to set yourself free. How someone will react or what the next person will say in response to your communication is their responsibility.
- Focus on the Present and Future
Do not worry about what went wrong and stop blaming yourself. Constantly fetching things from the past will poison your present. Forgive yourself and others, it all had to happen. You did the best you could with the information you had at that time. You are a brave and courageous person for wanting to make amends. With you on your side, you are unstoppable, the future looks bright and the world is your oyster!