Why do many women settle for being mistresses?

There are various reasons why women choose to be mistresses, such as financial dependence on me and the material benefits that come with that kind of relationship. Being looked after gives them a sense of security.

Some settle on being mistresses in the hopes that they will one day be married by the man. In societies where polygamy is rife, many women start out being mistresses before they are formally married.‎ There is also a perception in society that there are more women than men and that trying to find a single man is like looking for a needle in a haystack, hence certain women believe that a committed man is all they are ever going to get.

Why do some men cheat to a point of leaving their wives?

Some men claim that they get a better experience with a mistress than they would get at home. That after a certain period of time, the wife let’s herself go, is no longer looking after her physical appearance or the intimate aspects of the relationship, or pleasing him the way she used to, when the relationship started. They also claim that the mistress goes out of her way to impress him and make him feel comfortable and more at home.

This is not entirely true because usually the wife at home is busy raising children and unaware that she has a much younger and more eager competition out there. She has settled into a housekeeping routine, baby care routine, working and excelling in her career, all of which are time consuming and perhaps leave her feeling exhausted at the end of the day, whilst her competitor’s main focus is to keep the man happy with a goal of finally having him to herself.

In some cases, a man who has left his wife for the mistress, may also leave that mistress for another mistress, when the first mistress has started to resemble the wife. The chase for the illusion of perfect woman becomes a never-ending cycle. In the end, it is never really about the women but about the man’s thirst for an impossible ideal as far as wives or women are concerned.

What are effects of mistresses on the wife and children involved?

When a man moves in with a mistress it’s devastating to the wife and the children as they most certainly lose that sense of security, finances may get stretched to a point that the quality of life decreases, the wife and children may end up moving to a smaller home or changing schools etc. This may also affect the children’s performance at school. Children tend to blame themselves for their parent’s divorce, they tend to believe that they have been abandoned because they are not good enough, this is a major blow to their self-esteem. The wife may also go into depression when the thought of many years invested into a now dead relationship takes its toll on her.

Do such relationships last for the mistress?

There is really no uniform answer to whether or not such relationships will last for a mistress because it depends on many factors such as why they got together in the first place, what was the push or pull factor for the man, how they got together, is their union driven by true love or blesser -blessee dynamics‎.

While some men may claim that they were extremely unhappy in their marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating, it is always advisable for anyone going through marital difficulties to either go through counselling or get a divorce first before embarking in a new relationship. Cheating sets a bad precedence because should the men feel unhappy again with the mistress he is most likely to do what he did before, get another mistress. Therefore, mistress relationships are complicated and require nothing short of a miracle to truly work out in the long term.

How will the mistress’s relationship with her new in-laws play out?

The mistress’s relationship with her in laws will depend on how she was brought into the family, what kind of a relationship did the in-laws have with the first wife and how the family views her. Do they view the mistress as a home wrecker or savior?

She is most likely to face rejection if they had a strong relationship with the first wife and if they view her as a home wrecker, while they may tolerate her for the sake of their family member, the husband, she may never truly be accepted. In that case, she may either resign herself to that fate or work hard to prove herself to the family, that she is more than just a mistress, and perhaps once they get to know her better they will find that she has morale values, is a likeable character and really means well. This may take some time.

Society likes to burden the mistress with the responsibility of a fallen marriage, but the truth is, as much as the husband and wife separated, she cannot be entirely blamed for it, they had issues they couldn’t work past.

If on the other hand, the first wife was viewed as a problem, and had no meaningful relationship with the in-laws, the mistress may be considered a welcome breath of fresh air and may even be celebrated and honored by the family.

Are there any happy endings in such situations?

Happy endings are created by all involved. Where children are involved all parties have to work together to ensure that the welfare of children takes priority regardless of a separation and a new woman or man in the picture. Bitterness, anger, resentment does not help, and does not build anything and in the end it’s the children who suffer.

There are successful co-parenting relationships out there, men and women who are stepping up and ensuring that the children feel at home and have all they need whether they birthed them or not. Fathers and mothers who are in conversations with the other woman or man about how to make the relationships work, school activities, report cards, holidays, finances, visitations etc. All parties must be willing to put their differences aside and work with what they have going forward, for the sake of the children.

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